R1E2 Rant 1 - The Microsoft Support Saga; Episode 2 – The Maddening

Rant 1 – The Microsoft Support Saga

Episode 2 – The Maddening

A complete row of pixels of my Surface Book’s screen had perished in front of my eyes. Previous experience and general ignorance of LCDs suggested if you don’t have any wonky pixels in the first few hours of use, you are good to go for many eye searing years of use. With light computing over 6 months of ownership, a row went black, sometimes bright green, right in the middle of the 4k-ish display. Suffice to say this was a problem I knew would require a warranty claim.

I purchased this unit through Costco for its plush 1+1 manufacturer warranty extension plus another 2 years of coverage through Citi Bank’s Costco Card. As such, I went to Costco first to see if they could simply swap out my unit and send me on my way. In hindsight, I am not sure what Costco Concierge Services is supposed to do except provide unboxing instructions and 3 pronged plug insertion methodology to people that own too many cats. The Costco rep, Jason as he shall be known, as nice a guy as he was, did nothing but call the public MS Support on my behalf, with me on hold. It took the Jason three attempts to get a hold of someone, getting hung up on twice in the process. He then proceeded to stay on the line while I explained the obvious hardware defect to the MS rep in the same manner I just did to Jason (lesson learned, don’t bother with Costco while under a manufacturer’s warranty). Jason noted (and I experienced the same later on) that apparently, the Surface Book is in some other nether world of support services because, try as you might, you are never going to get the automated phone support to understand the Surface Book serial number. It is irritating enough to have issues with an automated service when you are the one punching the in the numbers, it adds a layer of special sauce when you are doing it through an intermediary who has no greater access to the goods than you.

Talking further to the human at MS, he seemed very much like a Chuckie in my memory, who did speak English on a phone that did not appear to be connected via Soviet era satellite, the troubleshooting tree led us to a factory reset to confirm this was not a software issue. By now, I was about an hour into this whole process and rapidly losing my typically tentative grip on patience. I asked if we could just skip the bullshit and recognize pixels don’t turn off and flicker because of a software issue and get my new computer in the mail. Chuckie wasn’t having it and insisted I perform the reset before he would authorize a repair or replacement. Before doing so, I needed to ensure I had my computer backed up so broke off our conversation to perform a factory reset on my own time with an assurance of a callback at 730PM EST the next day. Not trusting MS Support in any capacity, I had Chuckie confirm the callback number and time, twice. Later that evening, I performed the reset, which took an astoundingly long time as I opted for the deep scrub reinstall but required no input from me, then eagerly awaited Chuckie’s call back.

By 830PM EST the next day, no word from Chuckie meant I had to jump through the hoops of the MS Support’s automated phone system. Jesus Christ, that is the worst automated system I have ever encountered. The menus are nonsensical, it refused to recognize my Surface Book serial number, and worst of all, would not allow you to default to waiting in a generic queue to speak to a representative; progress had to be made through the automated menus. After a profanity laced conversation with the interior of my living room, I somehow short circuited the system through some combination of selections I will never be able to repeat and was able to speak to a person, who shall be called Jenny. While I was absolutely in a distraught state, I never yell at or disrespect a service personnel on the receiving end of my call (nor anywhere else, it’s not their fault the product is shit; that’s some engineer, cook, marketing guy, etc. who deserves the lashings). However, 30 seconds into explaining the pain and suffering endured thus far to get to talk to someone, Jenny hung up on me. This was not a dropped call, it was certainly a conscious disconnect presumably because Jenny could tell I was in a bad mood, didn’t want to deal with it, and there is no accountability for her actions.

I then threw a brief, but full intensity tantrum. Fortunately, the windows were closed and no one was home with me.

Now fueled by anger, I was going to get something resolved that night even if it meant an aneurism. Lacking the testicular fortitude to attempt the phone support again, I navigated the still baffling online menus to get to chat with another minion of the MS Support web. Florita (this is actually her presented name; our interaction was recent enough for my goldfish like memory to recall) would either be my saving grace or the recipient of my wrath. She walked a careful line between Todd’s overly apologetic communication patterns and the no bullshit approach I desired to stop wasting time and get my computer replaced. Mercifully, the troubleshooting tree had reached its end, and Florita was able to hook me up with a replacement. As I was leaving on a long weekend at the end of the following week, I opted for the “Advanced Exchange” option where I put down a credit card number and they shipped me a unit before I returned mine. Finally, resolution; a new computer was in the mail, and MS would take care of me.

Sadly, this is not the end of the rant.

The computer shows up on-time, as promised. As one not inclined to take a chance if I don’t have to, I inspected the unit immediately. The rear camera lens was cracked and grease smeared on the case. I went out of my way to spend the extra coin to get a new, not refurbished unit. I am then provided with this crap to replace a mint computer that failed 6 months into light use. I don’t think so. I snap off a blunt but pissy-ness free email to my main gal Florita. At 1am I received a response that she was escalating this issue, presumably to get Mr. T and the A-team on the case, and a shipping label promptly showed up in my inbox from yet another MS contact, Janno B. Because I missed a return shipping label attached to the exterior of the damaged replacement unit’s box (why the outside with no other return shipping instruction??), I now had two. I inquired with Florita and the A-team contact, Jaime, as to which of the two I should strap to the box to send the damaged unit back. It ultimately took 4 days to get confirmation of which to use. Mind you, the addresses, weights, and ship date on these labels were different so it was not immediately apparent which was right, and I sure as hell did not want this unit, for which they have my credit card number to cover, to get lost. However, on day 3 of no response from Florita or Jaime, I threw caution to the wind and informed both that I would return the unit with the label Janno B. sent me. After shipping the unit, yet another new contact, Max, thankfully confirmed either would work.

For those keeping count, I am at a tally of six different MS Support staff contacts trying to resolve a very straightforward hardware defect, and we have not yet reached the end…

To be continued...

R1E1 Rant 1 – The Microsoft Support Saga; Episode 1 – The Prelude to a Rant

Rant 1 – The Microsoft Support Saga

Episode 1 – The Prelude to a Rant

So, my first experience with Microsoft Tech Support began a few weeks ago after I decided to take advantage of my 6 month old Surface Book’s mini Display Port video output. This would allow me to expand my streaming video library via Xfinity’s On Demand web portal, which, unlike most things Commiecast provides, actually works pretty well (perhaps I will explore my opinions on Commiecast in another rant which has actually improved considerably of late). Thinking this would be a no brainer hook up to my HDMI equipped Sony AV Receiver, I ordered a miniDP to HDMI cable from my favorite purveyor of instant gratification shopping, Amazon. 2 days later, my cable arrived. I immediately jacked in attempting to play Transformers and some other inane garbage on my home theater arrangement. While I could see Marky Mark running around with the giant toys, my ears were not being treated to the sonic delight of synthesized transformation and explosions I expected. The sound was still emitting from the weak sauce speakers on the Surface Book. After repeated attempts at level 1 IT repairs, e.g. unplugging and plugging it back in, I succumbed to contacting Microsoft Support.

I should have known a company as large as MS would make it as painful as possible to contact a human being for assistance, but in an era where Apple’s ease of use is the obvious bar and a company like Verizon provides such excellent support I walk away from every interaction feeling like I had my first breakfast beer ahead of a bout of day drinking, I will admit my expectations were somewhat high. Instead, what greeted me was a convoluted web of online links where each new page made less sense than the last. Based on the first blush impression of MS Support’s website, I had no desire to parse through phone robo menus to talk to a guy named “Bob” on a line with the audio clarity of a call to Baghdad in a sandstorm, so I opted to digitally chat with a representative which had an admirably short wait time.

I got the immediate impression the guy on the other end of the conversation, who I shall call Todd because I have no recollection of what pseudonym he chose, took more training in conflict resolution and hostage negotiation than actual tech support based on the sheer quantity of “thank you for your patience” and “yes, yes, I understand” responses. While painfully slow, he did finally remote linked into my computer. I was now seeing light at the end of the tunnel; surely this tech would have sufficient training to determine why the hell I could not select HDMI-out sound in the task bar. I was proven wrong immediately when he slowly navigated to the system updates and began downloading. At this point, I started to fill the hole this experience had left in my soul with pizza while the computer downloaded what appeared to be a massive update (why the auto update feature did not download and install this, I will never know). Based on the size of the update or perhaps just the greasy treats I had ingested, my optimism returned that Todd might be onto something.

Per standard operating procedure, a restart was required meaning my connection with Todd would be terminated. “No matter”, he says, “we will auto connect after the restart, but just to be sure, I will also send you an email so that we can remain in contact until this issue is resolved”. As something with “rant” in the title should foreshadow, the link was not reestablished… but I didn’t care because I had glorious CGI rock-em-sock-em boxing robots blasting through my speakers! And after so much doubt for Todd’s expertise, there it was: results. Todd eventually followed through with the email he promised to which I responded with an ill-advised “it’s working!”. Todd at once closed the issue and all seemed well.

Not so. At the time, I was having some intermittent video display issues (I later determined to be the jank cable, not the computer) so again had to implement the tried and true strategy of unplugging it and plugging it back. Upon reconnection, I was back to hearing Optimus Prime’s gravely lines through the on-board noise makers and no option to select the HDMI device. Now at 2+ hours into what should have been a simple solution to a simple problem, I gave up for the evening imploring Todd to come back to save me via email. At some point I poked Todd again, but as of 4 weeks later, I never got a response. This unfortunately set the tone for all future interactions with MS Support. I replaced the cable through Amazon’s mercifully easy return portal and ultimately lost interest in fixing the sound issue because of the next issue…

The damn screen broke.

To be continued…