R1E1 Rant 1 – The Microsoft Support Saga; Episode 1 – The Prelude to a Rant

Rant 1 – The Microsoft Support Saga

Episode 1 – The Prelude to a Rant

So, my first experience with Microsoft Tech Support began a few weeks ago after I decided to take advantage of my 6 month old Surface Book’s mini Display Port video output. This would allow me to expand my streaming video library via Xfinity’s On Demand web portal, which, unlike most things Commiecast provides, actually works pretty well (perhaps I will explore my opinions on Commiecast in another rant which has actually improved considerably of late). Thinking this would be a no brainer hook up to my HDMI equipped Sony AV Receiver, I ordered a miniDP to HDMI cable from my favorite purveyor of instant gratification shopping, Amazon. 2 days later, my cable arrived. I immediately jacked in attempting to play Transformers and some other inane garbage on my home theater arrangement. While I could see Marky Mark running around with the giant toys, my ears were not being treated to the sonic delight of synthesized transformation and explosions I expected. The sound was still emitting from the weak sauce speakers on the Surface Book. After repeated attempts at level 1 IT repairs, e.g. unplugging and plugging it back in, I succumbed to contacting Microsoft Support.

I should have known a company as large as MS would make it as painful as possible to contact a human being for assistance, but in an era where Apple’s ease of use is the obvious bar and a company like Verizon provides such excellent support I walk away from every interaction feeling like I had my first breakfast beer ahead of a bout of day drinking, I will admit my expectations were somewhat high. Instead, what greeted me was a convoluted web of online links where each new page made less sense than the last. Based on the first blush impression of MS Support’s website, I had no desire to parse through phone robo menus to talk to a guy named “Bob” on a line with the audio clarity of a call to Baghdad in a sandstorm, so I opted to digitally chat with a representative which had an admirably short wait time.

I got the immediate impression the guy on the other end of the conversation, who I shall call Todd because I have no recollection of what pseudonym he chose, took more training in conflict resolution and hostage negotiation than actual tech support based on the sheer quantity of “thank you for your patience” and “yes, yes, I understand” responses. While painfully slow, he did finally remote linked into my computer. I was now seeing light at the end of the tunnel; surely this tech would have sufficient training to determine why the hell I could not select HDMI-out sound in the task bar. I was proven wrong immediately when he slowly navigated to the system updates and began downloading. At this point, I started to fill the hole this experience had left in my soul with pizza while the computer downloaded what appeared to be a massive update (why the auto update feature did not download and install this, I will never know). Based on the size of the update or perhaps just the greasy treats I had ingested, my optimism returned that Todd might be onto something.

Per standard operating procedure, a restart was required meaning my connection with Todd would be terminated. “No matter”, he says, “we will auto connect after the restart, but just to be sure, I will also send you an email so that we can remain in contact until this issue is resolved”. As something with “rant” in the title should foreshadow, the link was not reestablished… but I didn’t care because I had glorious CGI rock-em-sock-em boxing robots blasting through my speakers! And after so much doubt for Todd’s expertise, there it was: results. Todd eventually followed through with the email he promised to which I responded with an ill-advised “it’s working!”. Todd at once closed the issue and all seemed well.

Not so. At the time, I was having some intermittent video display issues (I later determined to be the jank cable, not the computer) so again had to implement the tried and true strategy of unplugging it and plugging it back. Upon reconnection, I was back to hearing Optimus Prime’s gravely lines through the on-board noise makers and no option to select the HDMI device. Now at 2+ hours into what should have been a simple solution to a simple problem, I gave up for the evening imploring Todd to come back to save me via email. At some point I poked Todd again, but as of 4 weeks later, I never got a response. This unfortunately set the tone for all future interactions with MS Support. I replaced the cable through Amazon’s mercifully easy return portal and ultimately lost interest in fixing the sound issue because of the next issue…

The damn screen broke.

To be continued…