Rant 2 – Gorilla Glass My Ass - The Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge
Episode 1 – I am an iPhone Customer
By any stretch of the imagination, I am the ideal Apple iPhone customer. I have a slightly snobby sense of style and appreciation for ease of use and reliability. Even in its 7th/ 14th or whatever iteration, the iPhone is a well made, finely detailed piece of equipment that offers plug and play functionality for everyone from Mr. Wall Street Broker to your tech averse grandmother. In general, the buttons do what they say they’ll do in a straightforward and repeatable manner. I am a tech savvy consumer, but I am also far from a power user. I fall into the “know enough to be dangerous” category when it comes to electronic consumer devices. I use my phone to text, talk, take pictures, look at my emails, and digest the daily output of Chive memes. Aside from said memes, I am basically stuck at gen 1 smartphone functionality which is where the iPhone excels: a smartphone that actually does the phone stuff. I don’t need a phone that doubles as a laptop, hotspot, gaming console, projector, easy bake oven, etc. I love focus of purpose and success in that aim. I appreciate the iPhone for its insulated and consistent user interface. In fact, I once was an iPhone owner way back in the days of the 3GS bar of soap. It was a great device, especially as an introduction to the smartphone game (to which I arrived quite late). However...
Nobody tells me what to do. And I’m kind of cheap.
As much as I am bothered by the Google machine recording my every move, at least it is pretty public about that and offers some lip service to turn off such “features”. I also appreciate being given enough rope to hang myself by downloading whatever filthy virus laden garbage I want from the cesspool that is the internet, potentially resulting in a solid bricking of my phone. The iPhone does not offer such diversions and in some circles that could be construed as a stifling of your freedom. Now, I don’t do anything with my phone to even tempt a bricking, but I could in the circumstance I wanted to, and I like that option because I like freedom, and this is America. I am allowed to be irrational and reckless in my personal decision making, which is why I have owned 4 generations of Android products for the last 8 or so years. The Apple experience is, as I mentioned, insulated and consistent, and like most things in life, that means you are going to sacrifice some choice for the sake of safety (a Benjamin Franklin quote would do well here, but I will leave that to your imagination rather than misquote). There is appeal in the comfort of the iPhone, but philosophically, I don’t like it. I don’t like Apple. It is not because they make a bad product; they don’t. Apple sets a goal and ferociously achieves it while making an admirable profit off of their cultural icon. They deserve their success, Apple just does not make things for me. In an ideal world, I would have the Apple maximum precision sweatshops and software nerds make my philosophically Android powered phone and get the best of both worlds.
Unfortunately, these sweatshops must be more like mildly warm shops lacking in old world amoral efficiency bringing me to the other decisive factor in my Android ownership: Apple stuff is expensive as hell. Bang for your buck and iPhone are never mentioned in the same sentence because the iPhone is always a premium product commanding a premium price. I don’t knock Apple for making money off their highly demanded stuff, that’s the beauty of capitalism, however, the tech savvy part of my nature makes me cheap because I know what stuff costs to make, develop, etc. and have a tough time paying more for an electronic device because it has cultural or social relevance. You aren’t paying more for an iPhone because of that pampered user experience (though that isn’t free), you are paying for an Android phone plus some semi arbitrary sum because the Kardashians exist. Good for Apple; just not for me.
Which brings me to the current solution to my iPhonbia: the Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge.
To be continued...
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